The Bawdy Cloister

A couple of summers ago I attended law classes in Tokyo. I arrived early for orientation at the Sizzler, so I hit a nearby izakaya for a couple of beers then headed back. Just then T.P. arrived on the scene.
After complimenting one another on our beards--same shade of red--we headed in to meet the others. Turned out that there wasn't much need for the others (with a few notable exceptions.) To make a long story short, T.P. and I became pretty good buddies and spent much of our free time together.
The summer ended, I went back to my law school and he to his. I joined the Law Review and published an article on Vietnamese shrimpers, he became a contributor to his law school's newsletter and wrote this:

FOR THE EDIFICATION OF MY FELLOW STUDENTS --By: T.P.

Professor Browne confided that he had concerns about me becoming a serial killer. This was because I had told him one of the jokes that occur to me while I am listening to law lectures. Isn't that what they say about people who always make puns"that they eventually turn into serial killers?" Though I do not dismiss Professor Browne's opinion lightly, a minority of others has reacted quite oppositely, shamelessly encouraging my hobby. When I asked Professor Mogk one of the Property questions below, he kept a straight face and said,
"You're getting more out of this class than most people, aren't you?"
Anyway, I do still have these lingering questions. Maybe you can help me answer some of them.

Under the Model Penal Code, is constipation an act or an omission?

Is voluntary intoxication a failure of proof claim?

Can I sue my wife for conversion when she conceives?

In that grey area between something sounding in Torts and something sounding in Contracts, can a baby born through Caesarian section sue for damages of breach? And if we believe, as Grant Gilmore does, that the
areas of Torts and Contracts are merging, are we all Contortionists?

What is the presumptive form of relief for a breach in the sale of beach-front property in California? Pacific Performance?

When your boy- or girl-friend shows up at your door late at night carrying ropes, is he or she demonstrating his or her intent to be bound?

Is there any part of the UCC which addresses the issue of buyer or seller regret, after they realize they have made a losing contract? If so, could we call that section of the UCC The Remorse Code?

In the Ypsilanti cases, when GM worked so hard to secure their tax abatements, then, seemingly on a whim, turned around and abandoned the city, could the judge properly say, in view of the automobiles manufactured at the Willow Run plant, that GM was acting Capriciously?

If I offer you $5 for your 1957 Fender Stratocaster locked in its case, might the contract not be enforced on the grounds of failure of consideration but not because of want of consideration? After all, it is a sealed instrument, isn't it?

If I rent an apartment from J.R.R. Tolkien, would I be able to benefit from the implied warranty of Hobbitability?

If Roman Polanski conveys for life to a 13-year-old girl, does he retain the possibility of perverter?

When Professor Rodwan told the class that she was sitting on the Standing Committee, I wondered, "Is that permitted?"

When our hero Dennis O'Bryan gave a talk on his practice in representing crewmen injured while on ships, he explained, "The Jones Act is the statute injured seamen fall under." "Geez," I thought, "We better amend that
one!"