The Bawdy Cloister

My Evil Little Brother (ELB) and I have an ongoing contest for celebrity sightings. Of course there's a ranking system, a pretty complicated and somewhat subjective ranking system. Probably the lowest on the list is merely seeing someone in concert, but greater weight is granted if you make it to the front row or the artist has since deceased.
A little higher up are personal meetings after a show or at political rallies, etc. Pictures and autographs are also a plus. (And even though "personalized" autographs are worth less on the market, they're worth more for purposes of ranking, also, the more absurd the item autographed the better.)
The highest tier is a chance meeting in public, unplanned, like at an airport or a restaurant.

So last night I get a call from ELB, "Guess who I saw yesterday?"

Now I knew he and my mom, Mrs. Old Methodist, had just returned from the Presidential gala and there were a number of celebrities and politicians there, but none that would demand awe (Lee Greenwood, Gloria Estefan, the President...) But I did remember seeing on the CNN crawler that Kelsey Grammer was MC-ing the event, so I say "Frasier?"

"Yeah, but that's not who I'm thinking of." He says with some satisfaction.

"I don't know, who?"

"Television's Ricky Schroeder, Bitch."


That really hurt. Point for ELB.

He's not doing too bad. Just off the top of my head, I know he met Ben Stein at an airport recently. He's seen the Violent Femmes and They Might Be Giants multiple times each (compared to my zero.) He's seen the late Warren Zevon, while I never got the chance. He met Mark Slaughter back stage at a Kiss concert and had him autograph a box of shaving razors (ELB forgot to bring paper, so Mark Slaughter gave him the razors, the only thing in the room autographable.)
While we've both seen Hal Holbrook and Weird Al, ELB got their autographs and I didn't. Weird Al actually signed ELB's Library Card! About the only thing we're even on is Gallagher.

Although ELB went to a taping of The Late Show with David Letterman, I met Letterman at JFK airport, I forgot I had a tiny teddy bear in my shirt pocket that my girlfriend had given me, so Letterman signs an autograph for me reading, "[Rowdy], Good luck with your bear. David Letterman."

In terms of concerts, I've had first row seats at Melissa Etheridge, Bo Diddley, The Indigo Girls, Arlo Guthrie, Willie Nelson, and The Cure. I got autographs from Arlo, Amy Ray, and Willie (but Mrs. T got to kiss him while he just pinched my lovehandles.)

Other musicians I've met include Pat Simmons (of the Doobie Brothers,) Michelle Shocked, and Jello Biafra. Oh, the Christian rock singer Carman asked me to go buy him batteries for his cordless microphone once, which I did and he reimbursed me.

I've also met some great authors, including the late, great Quentin Crisp. But also Calvin Trillin, John Updike, and Molly Ivans.

Speaking of Molly, I've encountered a number of other left-leaning hell raisers, among them Cornel West, Bogdan Denitch, Granny D, James Cromwell, Jesse Jackson, Rebecca Walker, Jim Hightower, Michael Moore, and Ralph Nader.

In the political arena…I saw Vice President Al Gore jogging on the National Mall (with a flock of guys in sunglasses jogging with him (when he was in office,) also Sen. Sam Nunn and Ambassador to Saudi Arabia Wyche Fowler. Back in Japan I saw Emperor Akihito and his wife.

And to round it all out, I've run into Oliver North, Tommy Lee Jones, Kenneth Lay, Joe Piscopo, Tom Brokaw, and Greg Manwaring (who used to be my neighbor and draw me pictures.)

That's not an all inclusive list, but damn it all, I've yet to see Ricky Schroeder.