The Bawdy Cloister

Perhaps you saw the Crime Investigator themed advertising campaign earlier this year for Apple Jacks™. The commercials starred three young teens who set out to solve a crime. They recruited thousands of Apple Jacks™ consuming kids across the nation to help them.


The A.J.I.S. – the Apple Jacks™ Investigative Squad

Here's how they explained the crime to the kids:

On the night of December 8, 2003, at exactly 9:04 p.m. someone, somehow, entered the Apple Jacks™ production process and changed the shape of our cereal.
Kids across the nation are up in arms. “What’s the big deal?” you ask. Apple Jacks™ aren’t supposed to look like jack shapes. (Just like they aren’t supposed to taste like apples.) A crime has been committed, and the A.J.I.S. won’t stand for it. Ever since Apple Jacks™ were invented, certain people have wanted them to make sense and look like jack shapes. Today, cereal-making technology has advanced to the point where jack-shaped Apple Jacks™ are possible and certain people are demanding a change. But those people just don’t get it. Kids don’t want their Apple Jacks™ to look like jack shapes. They want them to stay the shape they’ve always been.
The A.J.I.S. is made up of a trio of bright young people who can resolve any situation that damages the integrity of Apple Jacks® Cereal. With the help of thousands of field agents across the country, they can find out who changed our ’JACKS and rectify the situation as swiftly as possible. The A.J.I.S. is our best hope for getting our cereal back.

Jack-shaped Apple Jacks™

This summer the crime was solved. Ms. Habeas, a lawyer, did it. Kellogg's then released the following message to the kids:

With your help, the A.J.I.S. found the fiend responsible for putting the jack shapes in our cereal, and returned Apple Jacks® to the way they were always meant to be. Once again, they don’t taste like apples and they don’t look like jacks.

Fine. But that mystery was fiction.

Now that our nation's children are experienced cereal crime investigators, I'm calling on them to solve a real Apple Jacks™ mystery.

Exhibit 1:


This is a picture of Apple Jacks™ taken in 1977. Notice that it is fortified with 8 Essential Vitamins and 2 Minerals.

Exhibit 2:


This is a picture of Apple Jacks™ taken in 1980. It is now fortified with 10 Essential Vitamins and Minerals.

In the late 1970s an underground movement was afoot to create equality between vitamins and minerals. In 1977, vitamins were deemed essential while minerals were not. By 1980, Apple Jacks™ had succumbed to the movement's wishes.

“What’s the big deal?” you ask. Apple Jacks™ aren’t supposed to appear healthy. (Just like they aren’t supposed to taste like apples.) A crime has been committed, and the A.J.I.S. won’t stand for it. Ever since Apple Jacks™ were invented, certain people have wanted them to be a part of a complete nutritious breakfast. But those people just don’t get it. Kids don’t want every ingredient in their Apple Jacks™ to be essential. They want them to stay as unnecessary as they’ve always been.

Your task is clear. Rectify the situation and bring those responsible to justice.