The Bawdy Cloister

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2005-07-03T01:06:00.000-07:00

DENVER JACKSON FOUND!!!

2005-06-30T19:09:00.001-07:00

The search for Denver Jackson is over. I spoke with him this evening. Thanks to everyone who helped in the effort.

The elusive Denver Jackson, recent photo sent by the man himself!

Will Call

2005-06-22T12:24:00.000-07:00

UPS never did deliver my computer the other day. The online tracker told me it was out for delivery, and the folks on the phone said they delivered "into the evening," an ambiguous term that I was later told meant "until 9 or 9:30." So at 10pm I hopped into my trusty Computer Rescuemobile and raced to the UPS truck dispatch myself and got the goods.

So I was up much later than I wanted to be connecting, registering, troubleshooting and all so I could use it at work the next day. Never even had time to play with the fun stuff till last night...fun stuff meaning hooking up the sound card to my super pimp 7.1 speaker system. Finally today I completed the last of the hookups, I had to get a splitter and an extra cable cord, so now the digital TV recorder is working too. Yeah me.

Stop! Oh yes, wait a minute Mr. UPS Man

2005-06-20T15:59:00.000-07:00

The new computer should be arriving today.

It's already 6 o'clock....grumble grumble.

Into the Labyrinth

2005-06-17T11:29:00.000-07:00

I was in elementary school in the early 1980s when Nickelodeon, "The First Channel for Kids," made its debut on cable television. Needless to say, I was a ready and willing target audience.
In those early years, Nick aired many foreign television shows. One program I remember well was The Third Eye . This show featured different science fiction/fantasy series from the UK and New Zealand. Over the years I've tried to track down copies of these shows, but without much luck....

Until now! A friend of mine came across copies of one Third Eye series, Into the Labyrinth and let me borrow it. It took a week, but I finished watching all seven episodes last night. What a blast, watching something like that after some 20+ years!

Why I Drink: Reason #21

2005-06-15T13:17:00.000-07:00

My wife insists that our cat, Koubo (left), looks like Tim Duncan (right.) So much so that as we're watching the NBA finals she'll cheer for "Koubo!" out loud...this doesn't seem to effect Tim Duncan's game, but it confuses the hell out of my cat.

UPDATE:

The wife did not like my choice of pictures...she says these better show the resemblance....

Happy Frid...er...Saturday!

2005-06-11T00:26:00.000-07:00

This is reassuring...

Your IQ Is 110

Your Logical Intelligence is Above Average
Your Verbal Intelligence is Exceptional
Your Mathematical Intelligence is Above Average
Your General Knowledge is Exceptional

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

Not bad considering it's 2:30 in the morning and I just stumbled in from an Arlo Guthrie concert.

P.S. Arlo rocks.

P.P.S. Quiz thanks to Shannon...a girl who can appreciate Burger Chef.

P.P.P.S. I read somewhere that Arlo recorded Burger Chef radio commercials back in the day. I couldn't ask him tonight, he didn't stick around after the show, but if anyone out there can confirm this I'd like to know.

Happy Thursday!

2005-06-09T17:29:00.000-07:00

Happy happy day...just ordered my new laptop so I'll finally be able to blog on the road. Don't hold your breath though, delivery is still several weeks away. This is what I got...this is what I had.

My old laptop served me well. We've spent many years together. (Not just a few years, many years, like seven!) It served its purpose, as a word processor mostly. I had it online back in the day of dial-up. Oh, the memories...

I'll never forget the month in Japan we racked up a $450 phone bill together. Back then you paid by the minute to connect to your local phone line, and I spent plenty of minutes waiting for StickDeath.com animations to load. Today they load almost instantly, but back in 1999 it took a while, long enough to drink a beer and build anticipation. It would finally load, my friends and I would gather around the screen to watch, get a laugh, get another beer, and repeat. Those too were happy days.

Rowdy's Reno Review

2005-06-08T18:21:00.000-07:00

I just finished watching Waking Up in Reno and all I can say is "Wow!"

I discovered the film last week after returning from Amarillo, Texas and learning that our driver, Hody, had a bit part in the film.

But more on him in a minute....

Part of the film takes place in Amarillo, Texas. There Billy Bob Thorton's character undertakes the Free 72 oz. Steak Challenge at The Big Texan. I too visited The Big Texan, but did not attempt the challenge--I had a four hour horseback ride scheduled for the next afternoon and I simply wanted to avoid a catastrophe. So I did the next best thing, I had the wife take a picture of me acting like I was taking the challenge...

Anyway...as if I couldn't relate to the film enough already, the director included Pabst Blue Ribbon in almost every scene. For those of you who know me, that's my beer of choice...and the key to my heart. Further, Charlize Theron's character had an uncanny fascination with midgets that I found quite endearing.

But it's Hody's acting skill that truly makes this film a classic. His is perhaps the most underrated performance out of Hollywood since David Letterman portrayed the Old Salt in Fishing Village in Cabin Boy.

Congratulations Johnny!

2005-06-03T20:04:00.000-07:00

All hail Johnny the Horse...he came closest to guessing where I went on vacation last weekend and wins a link on my sidebar. So where did I go?

Answer:

The Cadillac Ranch in Amarillo, Texas. And I must say, it was worth every minute of the eight-hour drive it took to get there.

Additionally, Mrs. T and I visited a few other points of interest along the way.

We stopped at the Buddy Holly statue in Lubbock, Texas and his grave. I learned he dropped the "e" in his last name after it was misspelled on his recording contract.

On Sunday morning, we woke up early and met Hody... who drove us to breakfast...

Then it was off to Palo Duro Canyon where the wife and I hiked for six miles roundtrip to see this rock formation...

In 1874, the United States Cavalry cornered a mess of Indians in the canyon and shot dead 1,000 of their horses. Today, shooting horses in the canyon is discouraged.

Memorial Day Weekend Challenge

2005-06-01T19:41:00.000-07:00

This weekend Mrs. T and I took full advantage of our three-day weekend and left town on vacation. Can you guess where?
Hint #1:

Hint #2:

The first person to guess correctly wins a conspicuous link on my sidebar.

Roadside History

2005-05-25T20:12:00.000-07:00

This morning on my way to Del Rio, Texas I stopped at a roadside historical marker. You never know what you'll find when you pull off to read one of these things, nine times out of ten it's something real obscure.
Sure enough, it was obscure, but at least I had actually heard of the Rio Grande Colony before (although I never knew much about it or exactly where it was.) So imagine my delight when I stumbled across this sign:

The sign was posted 8 miles north of the actual site, but that's pretty typical since so many historic spots are located on private property. Or perhaps it's a safety issue, I know I'd hate to run across a mob of angry Comanches on my morning commute.

THIS WEEK...

2005-05-22T23:04:00.000-07:00

...was far less exciting than last week. In fact, I don't remember much of it.

But there was one highlight. This afternoon I bought two bottles of Retsina. Yum.

Rowdy's Week in Review

2005-05-13T05:30:00.000-07:00

Normally I try to keep my posts limited to one topic, but this has been a crazy week with much to write about. So I will do my best to write a J-Go like weekly wrap up blog entry. Sorry J-Go if I screw this up...but here goes.....

ITEM!

ROWDY MEETS DAVE ATTELL

Dave Attell & Rowdy
Who is Dave Attell? He's the guy with the job I've always wanted...he travels the world, drinks, stays up all night and gets paid for it. He's like a cross between Rick Steves and a drunk monkey.

ITEM!

ROWDY RECEIVES SURPRISE GIFT

My Evil Little Brother arrived at the Cloister bearing gifts earlier this week (see previous post.) When I opened the door he had in one hand a bottle of Metaxa Grande Fine...

which was not much of a surprise (I was expecting a bottle of Olympian Reserve.) But in his other hand he had....

...a 19 1/2 inch tall plastic Godzilla! The very kind I had as a kid, with the spring loaded, hard plastic fist that shoots off his arm at mach speed. Well done ELB, well done.

ITEM!

BUGS IN MY GRILL

It's lovebug season in east Texas. I just washed a bunch of these guys off last weekend, but I smacked into a few more this week. There's probably a reason there aren't too many Jains in my line of work.

ITEM!

UNDISCOVERED TALENT

Keith Taylor
After a hard day's work there's nothing like settling down at the hotel bar and sipping down a few Manhattans. What's better is when there's live entertainment. Enter Keith Taylor. This guy can sing, and he does every Tuesday and Wednesday at the Holiday Inn's Lone Star Lounge in Victoria, Texas. You can sample his music at his website.

Three's Company

2005-05-08T07:18:00.000-07:00

My little brother is flying in today from the Great White North. He'll be here a week, and I'm so excited because he's bringing me presents. This is one of the benefits of being an older sibling...HINT #1 to kids reading this post, don't taunt your younger brothers and sisters, train them to give you gifts. It's far more rewarding in the long run. HINT #2, encourage your underlings to be successful, (I encouraged my brother to start taking flying lessons when he was 12 years old and lobbied my parents for support.) The more successful your younger siblings are in life, the better the presents you'll receive.

So what's he bringing? See for yourself....

It's only one of my favorite beverages, normally I drink 5 or 7 star (aged 5 or 7 years.) But according to this site...the stuff my brother found is aged 15 years and is a rare find...yummy.

On When to Buy a Man a Beer

2005-05-01T09:19:00.000-07:00

At the 9th Annual Hill Country Run

I'm no stranger in Luckenbach, Texas. When the barkeeper sees me walk in, he sets a Shiner on the counter. The guys that work the grounds know that Mrs. T likes a fire, all she needs to do is sit at the pit and before long they'll bring her a mess of mesquite logs to ignite. Luckenbach is our regular weekend retreat. Sometimes they're busy, sometimes they're not. Yesterday they were busy...hosting the Hill Country Run.

Motorcycle runs bring in all types. Realtors, lawyers, pharmacists...I spoke at length with an anesthesiologist. There were a group of Christian bikers excited that Michael W. Smith was touring with Selah. And Mrs. T walked out of the powder room chuckling, "Those girls in there were complaining about their Con Law exam, the same complaints I heard for three years while you were in law school." I talked to guys from Georgia, Minnesota, and California...but there was one guy there last night that left a deep impression.

It was after dark, I was by the fire with a group of friends talking about how when we were eleven years old, me and my friend (whose Dad was a truck driver) would climb in the cab of his Dad's truck when it wasn't attached to a trailer and do doughnuts in the front yard. You could do that in rural Indiana...when the parents weren't looking. It was a light-hearted conversation. Then he staggered in.

He was a grizzly character, about 60 years old...he introduced himself and complimented us guys on the looks of our ladies (a standard Luckenbach introduction.) His speech was slurred and he swayed for balance as he spoke. Pretty soon the bulk of the crowd found reason to leave, he was a little too much for the girls to be comfortable around. They left me alone, leaning on a log next to this guy. Again he complimented me on Mrs. T, then he hung his head down and shut his eyes...organizing his thoughts. I waited. He lifted his head and looked up at the fire and asked me, "You go to Vietnam?" "No." He looked over and squinted, got a better look at me "Ah hell, you're too young."

"Yeah, that was my Dad's generation."

"That was my generation."

"You were there?"

He shook his head affirmatively, "I'm riddled with bullet holes, man."

I let him speak...there'd be long silences. He'd hang his head and close his eyes, he'd look up again and continue. Reflecting on the friends he'd lost. And then he said, "I'm a coward you know." "Why's that?" "If someone scared me, I'd kill them."

I took a swig of my beer and kept my gaze silently on the fire.

Then he asked, "You ever hear of the Hell's Angels?"

"Yeah."

"You're talking to one right now. You know what happened at Altamont?"

"Yeah."

"I was working security that night."

He went on to discuss why things there went down the way they did, why taking that guy down was necessary. So I said, "I take it all those bullet holes aren't from Vietnam?" He looked over at me, "Most of them are."

That's when I asked if I could get him a beer. He accepted graciously. We talked on for a while longer until I saw Mrs. T's group of friends split up...I then told the guy I had to go so she wouldn't be alone. We shook hands and I was gone.

Like I said before, 99.9% of the folks you meet at a bike rally are well adjusted. I just pray that giving that outlaw my ear for a while last night helped temper the demons he's fighting...and maybe allow him to get some rest.

FOUR!

2005-04-30T22:18:00.000-07:00

You ever notice how many clocks with Roman numerals use "IIII" instead of "IV"?

This has always intrigued me...but thanks to the internet it's less of a mystery. Now I'm just more confused.

Perplexed

2005-04-28T17:38:00.000-07:00

This afternoon I found myself working in downtown Goliad, Texas. It's your typical, small town Texas kind of place....

It's a little over two hours drive from San Antonio. The court house was recently renovated and is downright gorgeous...despite it's surly past....

Out front of the court house sits an historic oak, known as "The Hanging Tree." The name speaks for itself, but if you'd like to see the details in brief look here.

So this afternoon on my lunch break, sitting under The Hanging Tree, in the mean, dry and dusty streets of Goliad, Texas...all the sudden the chimes of the court house began to ring. No, they weren't simply chiming out the time, they were playing a song. The entire song, for three whole minutes, at 12:20 this afternoon....I heard (along with everyone else in a ten block radius) the chimes ring out the old John Denver standard Sunshine on my Shoulders.

I am very, very confused.

On the Road Again

2005-04-25T11:11:00.000-07:00

Me & Willie (He's in front of the camera, I'm behind it.)

Just a quick post to let ya'll know my week long vacation is over...blogging at the Cloister will resume to its normal, unpredictable pace.

Rowdy's Pet Peeves

2005-04-22T16:43:00.000-07:00

Perhaps my greatest pet peeve is an arrogant boss. I've had my share, the kind that think they walk on water....and you're the water. That's why I started my own business, so I could be my own boss.

But just when I think I'm free and independent, some guy comes along and buys out my website!* I wouldn't mind if he were humble and pleasant about it...but he was gloating.

Sooo....I sold my remaining shares and sent the stock tumbling!

*"How in the hell do you 'buy out' a website?" Good question. Go here.

UPDATE: Yeah, he's hurting.

Rowdy's Finger Puppet Theater

2005-04-21T13:16:00.000-07:00

"My God....what does it mean!?"

"Comrade Trotsky...are you alright? You're not having those visions of Gandhi again are you?"

"What does it mean, Che? What does it mean?"

Pope Benedict XVI

2005-04-20T09:11:00.000-07:00

Thanks to all who participated in the election. Although Denver Jackson won by a landslide, as usual, he failed to appear at the concelebration. Custom dictates that under such circumstances the title of Sovereign Pontiff is bestowed upon the first runner-up. Congratulations Calvin!

Blogs for Anchors

2005-04-19T21:24:00.000-07:00

So NBC is considering creating blogs for its newscasters. I still think the networks need to read the blogs first to determine who the newscasters ought to be in the first place.

Back in Touch

2005-04-19T09:33:00.000-07:00

A typical lunch in high school consisted of a cone of pomme frites and a bag of gummi candy.

What an exciting week. It looks like my old high school in Germany is throwing a reunion this summer, and it'll be stateside. Since we're all Army brats the reunion is open to all classes. Up till now I've only kept in touch with two people from back then, but this week, in an attempt to ensure that I won't be alone at the reunion, I tracked down four more old friends. Turns out that one of my friends just lives a few miles from the Cloister!

It's fascinating to speak on the phone with someone you haven't talked to in 15 years...flipping through yearbook pages and sharing stories. It's amazing what they'll remember, what you'll remember...and how they remember you. I'm still trying to track down a few more of my old buddies, but already it looks like we've got the critical mass for one hell of a reunion.

Denver Jackson Joined the JCF in 2003!

2005-04-18T06:36:00.000-07:00

Denver Jackson & ELB circa 1996
Submitted to the Cloister by Some Guy

It appears that Denver Jackson is a member of the Joseph Campbell Foundation. However, he's left no posts on the boards and no email address.

Clue: Denver periodically uses the username "Lastlion." But please do not confuse Denver Jackson with this Belarusian living in Turkey who does the same.

Also, according to J-Go, Denver was spotted as recently as 18 months ago in Albany, Ohio.

Kreische Brewery

2005-04-15T21:25:00.000-07:00

As promised...more pictures from my spring vacation. Mrs. T and I drove out to the Kreische Brewery. As you can see, it has seen better days.

RE: The Previous Post

2005-04-15T08:35:00.000-07:00

I've let the poll run for a few days and I have to admit, I thought the monkey would fair better than he's doing. As of now, it's Denver 9, Monkey 0, Calvin 0.

Pope Finalists

2005-04-10T09:26:00.000-07:00

My sources in the Vatican have informed me that despite "official silence," the conclave to determine the next pope is actually well underway. Moreover, the cardinals have narrowed their choices to the following three finalists.

In an effort to make the selection process more democratic, they've asked for public input. So here are the choices...please vote.

Denver Jackson, The Monkey, and Calvin Trillin

On the Death of a Comic Hero

2005-04-07T22:05:00.000-07:00

Pope John Paul II was my favorite comic book hero....

Unlike most characters, who drew their powers from vengence, the Pope acted through grace. The following are just a couple of inspiring episodes from his life which I hope we can all learn to emulate.....

After his assassination attempt.....

As a youth, admonishing the Hulk.......

Thanks for your work, Karol. We'll miss you.

Spring Break

2005-04-03T20:12:00.000-07:00

Just got my pictures developed from spring break. We spent three days wandering around East Texas, visiting La Grange, Washington, and Warrenton. We hit several state parks, including Washington on the Brazos...here's some pictures...and there'll be more to come.

Chickens staying warm.

Cows

Pig

IT'S A BOY!!!

2005-03-31T20:52:00.000-08:00

The wait is over...the big news is Mrs. T and I just had our first truck, a 2005 F-350. His bed alone is 8' long, and Mrs. T is recuperating nicely. We couldn't be prouder. I can now get to my job sites in the field without bumming rides from others with 4 wheel drive!

BIG NEWS!!!

2005-03-29T21:03:00.000-08:00

I know the anticipation is mounting (see comment under previous post.) But hold on.... just a little...bit...longer....

Big Announcement

2005-03-25T06:37:00.000-08:00

Yes, I know I haven't updated in a while. Mrs. T and I have been just a little preoccupied...but stay tuned. In the next day or two I will be posting a MAJOR announcement.

Kindergarten: 25 Years Out

2005-03-09T18:16:00.000-08:00

I graduated from kindergarten in the spring of 1980. If you do the math, this year marks the 25th anniversary of that great achievement. Although I've yet to receive an invitation to a reunion, I've been reflecting on my experiences from that time recently.

Perhaps the most gratifying memory is reading my first "thick" book cover to cover. It was called Programmed Reading Book 1. I still have it, here's the cover:

I thought it was the neatest book in the world because it was interactive. The book was a series of questions with an answer column. You'd cover the column with a bookmark, answer the questions, and scoot the book mark down the page to check your answers. Here's the first page:

I remember reading this during recess while the other kids were playing with toys. I was one of just a handful in my class that read through the entire program. Not bad for a 5 year old later diagnosed with ADD.

I'll also never forget the day I was sent to "The Corner." The teacher asked a question to which the entire class replied in unison "Yes!!!" I had tuned out the question but thought it might be cute to contradict everyone, so I shouted "NOOOOOO!" at the top of my lungs. Whatever the question was, my answer earned me a spot in the corner the entire recess.

Anyway, I have tons of memories from the 79-80 school year. But the one thing that stands out in my mind the most were The Letter People. Each morning we would wonder if a new one would appear, the teacher would introduce them sporadically and without notice. It seemed like weeks would pass without one, then, Surprise! We'd arrive and there would be a new character at the front of the room.

My brother is aware of my abiding love for The Letter People. He is also aware that Mr. S, a.k.a. "Super Socks," was my favorite. He knows that because for the last 25 years I've complained that I never got to play with Mr. S during recess. My chair was too far from the play area and Mr. S was always taken by the time I got there (that's why I always ended up reading that damn book!)

Well, this week I got a package in the mail from my brother...it was a Mr. S!

O fate, O fault, O curse, child of my blisse!
What sobs can giue words grace my griefe to show?
What inke is blacke inough to paint my woe?

Something was terribly wrong. The Mr. S my brother sent me looked like a Barbapapa stuffed in a Christmas stocking. Was my memory that far off? I was certain Mr. S looked more like Robin stuffed in a Christmas stocking....

I quickly hopped onto the net to do some research. The good news, my memory had not failed me. The bad news...The Letter People were bought out and "revised" in 1990. Today Letter People are but a shadow of their former selves. Not only are they completely made over, their characteristics have changed as well. Most notably, all the vowels used to be girls and all the consonants were guys. Now the ratio is split 13/13. Also, the girls were called "Miss" now they're called "Ms."

Screw it... I know this is a long post, but keep reading. Here comes the full treatment. On the left is the new version and on the right the original, followed by my commentary:

Ms. A, a.k.a. Ms. A'choo, now sneezes with her eyes closed! In the 70's & 80's she was buddies with Dama Blanca...eyes would never close. Thanks alot, Mrs. Reagan.

Mr. Beautiful Buttons, hasn't changed much, though his hair is thinning.

"C" is for Catastrophic. Mr. C was once "Mr. Cotton Candy," but now he's "Colossal Cap." This was apparently an effort to remove junk food from the curriculum. For shame.

Come on! Kindergarten reading class is not the cause of childhood obesity! Mr. Delicious Doughnuts is now Dazzling Dance...or better, Drooly Dime Dropper.

The androgynous Ms. Exercise Energy replaces Miss Exercise. Those shoulder pads used to be quite a turn on.

The funny thing about Mr. Funny Feet was that he didn't have feet! There's nothing funny about being barefoot.

Mr. Gooey Gum has sobered up, but is still pretty careless.

Mr. Horrible Hair has become Mr. Happy Hair. I remember Horrible Hair being a pretty popular character in class. I can't imagine kids today fighting over the Merry Mullet.

This is probably one of the most disturbing changes. Miss Itchy Itch has become Mr. Impossible Inches. For God's sake...the Letter People are for children!

Again, another cool character gone queer. Mr. Jumbled Junk is now Jingle Jangle Jacket.

Mr. Kicking K is now Ms. Kaboom Kick. Which do you find more Kredible?

Mr. Lemon Lollipops is now Mr. Longest Laugh...just another sour slight slamming sweets.

How's this for hypocritical...after pains-takingly removing all junk food innuendo from Letter People Land, Mr. Munching Mouth is no longer a fatty!

Perhaps the one improvement, the old Mr. Noisy Nose used to give me the creeps. Though I still wouldn't want to share a room with this guy...why couldn't they create Ms. Natural Nursing?

Miss Obstinate is now Mr. Opposite, and we no longer teach the word "obstinate" to kids until 11th grade.

Mr. Pointy patches was much more mellow before entering rehab.

Mr. Quiet is now Mr. Quiet Questions...whereas Mr. Quiet Questions appears shocked and ambivalent about asking what just happened to him, Mr. Quiet looks confident that you'll keep his secret from the authorities.

Hmmmm....Mr. Ripping Rubberbands was too aggressive, so they turned him into Mr. Rainbow Ribbons! John Wayne would roll over in his grave....

See...I wasn't kidding, old Super Socks=Robin, new Super Socks=Barbapapa.

Mr. Tall Teeth: Another popular character sanitized beyond recognition.

Miss Umbrella is now Ms. Unusual Umbrella. Nancy Reagan strikes again..."Isn't that funny boys and girls, the umbrella is floppy!" It took more than that to get our attention in the 70s.

Pimps aren't PC either?! Mr. Velvet Vest is now Ms. Vegetable Vest. That's just absurd.

Mr. Winking turned into Mr. Wonderful Words. What's so wrong with winking that they had to come up with such a dumb new character? Are "windy," word," and "wow" really that wonderful?

Get this one. Mr. Mixed Up is now Mr. Different. What on earth does "different" have to do with either the letter "X" or standing on your head? At least Mr. Mixed Up had an "X" in his name and was physically defective.

Mr. Yawning became Ms. Yodeling Yawn. Mr. Yawning looked tired, little Missy should at least wear lederhosen if she wants to appear to be yodeling instead of gagging.

Mr. Zipping Zippers. Perhaps another, very rare, instance where the make-over worked.

Shoe Phone!

2005-03-04T20:40:00.000-08:00

Not really. The Captain has a great Shoe Phone picture I'll try to get him to post. But I have the next best thing, a camera phone. I know many people do and they aren't all that novel anymore. I've had mine for a while now but never really had a reason to use it....until this week.

On Wednesday I found myself in Crystal City, Texas. I was driving to the Town Hall when I saw a sign directing folks to "The Popeye Statue." Needless to say, I had to check it out. After zig-zagging through a few dusty streets, there he stood in all his glory. I cursed myself for not bringing my camera, then I remembered I had my phone....

The Popeye Statue in Crystal City, Texas. Erected in 1937.

Back to Work

2005-02-28T12:38:00.000-08:00

My sabbatical is over. Let the infrequency of blog posts begin.

More Pictures...

2005-02-25T21:26:00.000-08:00

I just finished posting more pictures on Virtual Tourist. Greece & Turkey are now complete. Click here to see.

New to Bloggerdom

2005-02-20T11:15:00.000-08:00

My Evil Little Brother

My Evil Littl.....er, "The Captain" just posted his first blog entry...isn't he cute!

Latest Review...

2005-02-19T10:47:00.000-08:00

"Proving, once again, that the internet is the answer to, and cause of, every problem you ever had, I introduce you to this blog." --John Behan, 2/18/05

Thanks to John Behan, from The Commonwealth Conservative for getting the word out about the Reliquary!

GO KILGORE!

Denver Jackson: UPDATE

2005-02-18T12:45:00.000-08:00

For those of you keeping up with the search for Denver Jackson, here are some newly discovered photographs from 1996:

Denver in the Professor's Kitchen

Denver Barbecuing in the Rain.

These photos were shot at the graduation party in May 1996...funny, because I didn't remember him there! I thought he disappeared after not showing at the Pantheon, but that was summer of 1995. That means these are the last known pictures of him.

As always...if you have information regarding Denver Jackson, especially his whereabout, let us know.

UPDATE: I just found an old invitation which reads in part:

GREEK STUDENTS

INVITATION TO A FINAL MEAL BEFORE FINAL EXAMS

You are hereby invited to come to chow

Friday, November 10 [1995]

Denver Jackson, well-known Jeopardy whiz and occasional student of the classics, has agreed to cook most of the food. Angie Pitts, interdepartmentally-renowned chef of continental haute cuisine, will see to the vegetarian fare.

Come and bring a friend if you have one....There's even a possibility that we'll pull out the tattered copies of Doug Parker's pristine, Calvinist translation of the Lysistrata and read a few of the more edifying scenes....

Does anyone remember if this ever actually took place? If so, this means Denver was actually around throughout the 1995/96 school year. How and why have we all forgotten? That's just creepy. Anyway, I don't have any pictures of this event.

It does not appear that Denver attended this, similar event, for which I do have photos:

The Department of Classics Invites You to

a Picnic

with Professor Fred Ahl of Cornell Univerisity

and a reading of his translation of

Seneca's

The Trojan Women

Saturday, April 6 [1996], 3:00 till we're tired....

Virtual Tourist

2005-02-17T21:01:00.000-08:00

I promised ELB I'd update, so here's an update.

I opened an account with Virtual Tourist...so far I've posted pictures from Central America and Peru...there will be more to come.

If you want to see, go here.

Lost in Transliteration

2005-02-15T09:16:00.000-08:00

Last night Mrs. Theologian and I watched The Grudge. Let me state first, I am not a fan of horror flicks. We rented it because it was set in Japan (Mrs. T's homeland.) I knew we were taking a risk because although some movies shot in Japan are good, others are disastrous. Once I saw Ryo Ishibashi's name in the credits though I had hope; I really liked him in Suicide Club.

Anyway, I didn't log on to talk about movies. The Grudge just triggered a memory from my stint in Japan that I thought I'd share. This is a picture of an apartment complex not too far from where I lived. I apologize for the angle, I took it from a moving car...but can you make out the name of the place?

"Liver Flats"! I love it. I can just imagine the poor folks who live here and have this on all their address labels.

I tried to submit this picture to Engrish.com once, but they never posted it.

UPDATE: Before anymore Totebaggers email me regarding my disdain for Lost in Translation, let me explain. I am a working man. As such, I find it utterly impossible to sympathize with some guy's mid-life crisis when he's getting paid a ridiculous sum of money to drink whiskey in Japan for a week.

Ray Charles, Aisle 12

2005-02-14T11:39:00.000-08:00

As most of you know by now, the late great Ray Charles won big at the Grammy Awards this year...and that reminds me of the time I ran into him at Albertsons about 15 years ago.

Actually, I wasn't running. I got in trouble for running in stores when I was young. I stopped running by the time this meeting took place.

Also, I really didn't meet Ray Charles himself, just his likeness. But I always figured meeting someone's likeness was better than not meeting them at all. He was selling Diet Pepsi in the dairy department.

Ray & Rowdy circa 1991.

The Catcher in the Rice

2005-02-11T17:16:00.000-08:00

I just conducted a little experiment. I took the first sentence from The Catcher in the Rye and translated it into Japanese using the Google language tools, then I took that result and translated it back into English. Here's the result:

Original Text:
If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll* probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don't* feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth.

Google Translation Result:
There was I where you whom you really probably would like to hear concerning that probably would like to know truth, the kinds all crap of the Copperfield of the デイヴィッド**, like the thing where I enter into that you are not moved, but, it could withstand my lousy infancy period before, some way first the fact that you perhaps would like to know how my parent was everything, to be it could occupy me, time,.

NOTES:

* The translator didn't like contractions, so changed them to full form.

** デイヴィッド = David

Looks to me like there's work to be done...

UPDATE: Pulled from the comments because it's worth a look...this truly is reminiscent of English As She Is Spoke . Thanks for the tip J-Go.

Rowdy's Finger Puppet Theater

2005-02-10T19:01:00.000-08:00

"Comrade Che, I have returned with the supplies you requested."

"Trotsky, you fool!...."

"I specifically asked for lemurs!"

UPDATE: To see the previous episode of Rowdy's Finger Puppet Theater click here.

This is your Flight Captain speaking...

2005-02-08T11:41:00.000-08:00

Earlier this week I downloaded a trial version of Keyhole. I flew around a while and found a number of landmarks, including Tokyo Tower...

Then I got to thinking, my brother would really enjoy this. Afterall, he is a pilot and is accustomed to viewing the world from 36,000 feet. So I give him a call, he downloads the program and takes a second to figure out how to navigate.

After a few initial exclamations (including "Sweet!" "Dude!" and "This is pimp!), he told me to follow him and he'd take me for a ride. He's one hell of a tour guide, within seconds we were at...

Abu Ghraib prison.

Say Cheese!

2005-02-07T20:14:00.000-08:00

Smile! BlogExplosion is about to capture an image of this site for its directory!

A Special Thank You...

2005-02-06T14:33:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to tip my hat to the good folks at...

They have included The Reliquary among their Burger links.

One Time...in Wood Shop...

2005-02-06T12:24:00.000-08:00

As requested by McPan, here are pictures of my greatest wood shop creation!

My cedar stool...

Notice the well sanded edges...

Three legs are much more stable than two, a sure sign of quality craftsmanship...

Dark stain helps mask the nails (or "fasteners" in Shop parlance.)

And can you believe I made this without design instructions! I thought that alone was worth extra points for creativity, but my teacher didn't think so.

My Best Friend

2005-02-06T12:06:00.000-08:00

I know I'm not the greatest artist in the world, but be sure to check out the painting I made of my best friend, Joe.

(After linking, just sit back and watch your computer recreate my masterpiece.)

UPDATE: This is an inside joke...for all you newbies who didn't get it click here.

Behind the Music: Rowdy Theologian

2005-02-04T16:51:00.000-08:00

A little known fact about me, that I'm only revealing because I'm under duress, is that I used to play the tuba. See...I still have my mouthpiece.

But why is the monkey sad? Well, my tuba playing days only lasted a semester.

You see, Mom is the one who forced me into band to begin with, I hated band. Half way through the school year we moved to a new city, and as fate would have it, Dad took me to register for classes at my new school.

Counselor: Are you in band?

Rowdy: Yes, but I don't want to be.

Dad: Really?

Rowdy: I hate band.

Dad: I never cared much for your music practice in the house anyway, always sounded like you were strangling a Moose in your room.

Rowdy: So I don't have to stay in band?

Dad: How about Wood Shop?

To this day Mom hasn't forgiven Dad for that, but I am forever grateful.

Marketed Memories

2005-02-03T12:44:00.000-08:00

For those of you who like to relive your childhood memories you must visit The Imaginary World. What an archive! I remember at the grocery store, it would take me (seemingly) hours to decide which Funny Face drink mix to get.

Among the bazzilion other items on this site, there's quite a collection of Burger Chef memorabilia. (The link to which is now permanently posted in The Reliquary.)

The Weather Outside is Frightful...

2005-01-31T08:24:00.000-08:00

Clippinger Laboratories, Ohio University, Athens, OH

As the debate over shot glasses continues at Ohio University, I thought it was time to weigh in with my opinion. Simply put, OU students can't function sober. The ban is already taking its toll, most notably on the Meteorology Department and its student weathermen. Just watch this clip from campus news.

(Video from Ben Snyder.com. Originally posted to Compfused.com, but their link to this video is now dead.)

T.P. for my Blog

2005-01-29T20:56:00.000-08:00

A couple of summers ago I attended law classes in Tokyo. I arrived early for orientation at the Sizzler, so I hit a nearby izakaya for a couple of beers then headed back. Just then T.P. arrived on the scene.
After complimenting one another on our beards--same shade of red--we headed in to meet the others. Turned out that there wasn't much need for the others (with a few notable exceptions.) To make a long story short, T.P. and I became pretty good buddies and spent much of our free time together.
The summer ended, I went back to my law school and he to his. I joined the Law Review and published an article on Vietnamese shrimpers, he became a contributor to his law school's newsletter and wrote this:

FOR THE EDIFICATION OF MY FELLOW STUDENTS --By: T.P.

Professor Browne confided that he had concerns about me becoming a serial killer. This was because I had told him one of the jokes that occur to me while I am listening to law lectures. Isn't that what they say about people who always make puns"that they eventually turn into serial killers?" Though I do not dismiss Professor Browne's opinion lightly, a minority of others has reacted quite oppositely, shamelessly encouraging my hobby. When I asked Professor Mogk one of the Property questions below, he kept a straight face and said,
"You're getting more out of this class than most people, aren't you?"
Anyway, I do still have these lingering questions. Maybe you can help me answer some of them.

Under the Model Penal Code, is constipation an act or an omission?

Is voluntary intoxication a failure of proof claim?

Can I sue my wife for conversion when she conceives?

In that grey area between something sounding in Torts and something sounding in Contracts, can a baby born through Caesarian section sue for damages of breach? And if we believe, as Grant Gilmore does, that the
areas of Torts and Contracts are merging, are we all Contortionists?

What is the presumptive form of relief for a breach in the sale of beach-front property in California? Pacific Performance?

When your boy- or girl-friend shows up at your door late at night carrying ropes, is he or she demonstrating his or her intent to be bound?

Is there any part of the UCC which addresses the issue of buyer or seller regret, after they realize they have made a losing contract? If so, could we call that section of the UCC The Remorse Code?

In the Ypsilanti cases, when GM worked so hard to secure their tax abatements, then, seemingly on a whim, turned around and abandoned the city, could the judge properly say, in view of the automobiles manufactured at the Willow Run plant, that GM was acting Capriciously?

If I offer you $5 for your 1957 Fender Stratocaster locked in its case, might the contract not be enforced on the grounds of failure of consideration but not because of want of consideration? After all, it is a sealed instrument, isn't it?

If I rent an apartment from J.R.R. Tolkien, would I be able to benefit from the implied warranty of Hobbitability?

If Roman Polanski conveys for life to a 13-year-old girl, does he retain the possibility of perverter?

When Professor Rodwan told the class that she was sitting on the Standing Committee, I wondered, "Is that permitted?"

When our hero Dennis O'Bryan gave a talk on his practice in representing crewmen injured while on ships, he explained, "The Jones Act is the statute injured seamen fall under." "Geez," I thought, "We better amend that
one!"

Blogger, Party of Ten.

2005-01-29T13:55:00.000-08:00

Here goes my first shot at a meme...here are the rules, borrowed from Johnny the Horse who in turn borrowed them from J-Walk:

"The goal of this exercise is to identify nine other bloggers that you would like to meet for dinner/drinks. The only caveat is that these bloggers must be strangers -- you haven't met them before. State the blogger's name, a link to the blog, and why you would like him/her to be in attendance".

This was tricky because I spend most of my time on my friends' blogs. Anyway, lets get started:

Johnny the Horse from The Bed and Breakfast Man. He doesn't know it yet, but he was the inspiration for this comic strip. I enjoy visiting his site because he's witty and light-hearted, and that's nice in a cyberspace full of rants.
Clo from Lost in Translation. Alright, I'll be the first to admit my Portuguese is very, very poor, nonetheless I often pour through this site with my little green Collin's Gem Dictionary in hand...
Tvindy from Tvindy: A Blog about Nearly Everything. Intelligence + Spare Time= Free Translations of The Llama Song.
Bill from the Maverick Philosopher. I often disagree with this guy, but he'd deserve a place at my table...probably at the end with J-Go. Very thoughtful posts and fun to read.
Victoria from The Typographical Terror and Minutiae: The Other Blog. I love grammar freaks and she are one.
Brittany from Britt's Travel Journal. Another Texan gone to Japan. Keeping up with her reminds me of my stint over there.
David from An Aid to Memory. An Ohio University Classics grad, also probably sitting at the other end of the table with J-Go and Bill, but hey...
Louis from the Unrepentant Marxist. Anyone who gets excited about Bogdan Denitch cooking paella can sit at my table anyday.
One more seat to fill, I know it's against the rules, but I can't go anywhere without my wife.

And now the short list...Blogs I frequent of folks I know and have met:

J-Go from Suburban Scrawl.
E. McPan from The Neutral Zone Trap.
Kurtie from Kurtie!.
Raquelita from Reasons Why You Should Sit On the Back Row.
Amy from Cranky Amy.

Jim's Redux

2005-01-29T00:09:00.000-08:00

So Mrs. Theologian and I walk into Jim's tonight, our table is free so we seat ourselves. Lauren brings me my coffee and silverware...we order and eat....

So I finish dinner and get my coffee refilled, the wife and I are discussing what to do with ourselves given it's Friday and no work tomorrow. Then Mrs. Theologian looks over my shoulder and says excitedly, "Ah! Anta no sensei da!" I turn around, and sure enough, there's Prof. 101 and his wife! Second time in a week! We got a chuckle and agreed next trip we'd call the other in advance so we can meet together and share a table.

Then Mrs. Theologian and I went home to play Trivial Pursuit: DVD Pop Culture Edition and I kicked her butt soundly. The End.

Help for Halki

2005-01-28T14:18:00.000-08:00

The Halki Webcam has been out of order since October and consternation is growing. The time to act is now.

How you can help:

Please contact the Greek Minister of Tourism, Mr. Dimitris Avramopoulos, and ask him to ferry an electrician to Halki.

Someone Please...Wake Me!

2005-01-26T16:31:00.000-08:00

I just learned the news from J-Go.
The news.
So shocking.
I need a drink....

Thank You Al Gore!!!

2005-01-26T15:17:00.000-08:00

My only gripe regarding cat ownership is having to regularly purchase 14 pound boxes of cat litter and haul them up the flight of stairs leading to the Cloister. That always adds an extra trip down and up the stairs unloading groceries.

BUT THOSE DAYS ARE GONE!

Today I received my first shipment of Cyber Scat Sand, 84 pounds worth, ordered off the internet and delivered to my doorstep by a sweating, wheezing UPS man.

Koubo posing with his new stash.

Sein und Zeit

2005-01-24T17:15:00.000-08:00

So this evening Mrs. Theologian and I take our usual seat at Jim's. Joe sees us walk in and brings me my coffee and silverware. A typical Monday dinner. Or so it seemed...

Shortly after placing my order I looked up and saw a man walk in who looked eerily familiar. Boots, glasses, beard. I smirked at my wife and said, "I know that guy." At least I was pretty sure I did. It had been 12 years since I'd last seen him.

I waited until he finished eating before I approached him. Sure enough, it was him.... my Philosophy 101 professor from my first year in college. I took his class the year before I transferred to Ohio University's Philosophy Department. The neat thing about this guy is that he did his undergrad Philosophy work at OU as well, and before I transferred he told me quite a bit about the Department and the town of Athens. We were both thrilled to discover we're now neighbors. Who knows, before it's all over we may start-up an annual Birthday Bash for Nietzsche right here in Texas. It only takes two OU Philosophy Dept. Alumni to maintain that custom--and October 15 is on a Saturday this year! Fate has spoken.

Go Katz!

Public Service Announcement

2005-01-24T11:21:00.000-08:00

We here at The Bawdy Cloister encourage participation in civic activities that benefit those living in the Greater San Antonio/South Texas region.

For those of you eligible to vote in the upcoming Iraqi National Assembly election, here are the driving directions to the nearest polling site:

Start at The Alamo - go .1 mile
ALAMO PLZ becomes E CROCKETT ST - go 0.1 mi
Turn Left on BONHAM ST - go 0.3 mi
Turn Right to take I-37 NORTH/US-281 NORTH - go 0.7 mi
Take exit #142A towards AUSTIN onto I-35 NORTH - go 213.4 mi
Take the I35E NORTH exit towards DALLAS - go 47.3 mi
Take exit #418B towards SHREVEPORT onto I-20 EAST - go 12.3 mi
I-20 EAST becomes I-635 NORTH - go 8.9 mi
Take exit #8B towards TEXARKANA onto I-30 EAST - go 304.1 mi
Take exit #138A towards L.R. RIVER PORT/MEMPHIS/L.R. NATL. AIRPORT onto I-440 EAST - go 10.0 mi
Take exit #11 towards MEMPHIS onto I-40 EAST - go 334.6 mi
Take exit #206 towards KNOXVILLE onto I-440 EAST - go 1.1 mi
Take exit #1 towards (US-70S E)/WEST END AVE - go 0.2 mi
Turn Left on MURPHY RD - go 0.3 mi
Turn Left on US-70S - go 0.3 mi
Turn Right on 31ST AVE S - go 0.4 mi
Continue on BLAKEMORE AVE - go 0.6 mi
Continue on WEDGEWOOD AVE - go 0.3 mi
Arrive at Tennessee State Fairgrounds!

Have a safe trip, and remember to buckle up!

The Poet at Rest

2005-01-24T08:50:00.000-08:00

Donald Rumsfeld, January 2005.
(Photo taken by my Evil Little Brother)

Clarity

I think what you'll find,
I think what you'll find is,
Whatever it is we do substantively,
There will be near-perfect clarity
As to what it is.

And it will be known,
And it will be known to the Congress,
And it will be known to you,
Probably before we decide it,
But it will be known.

—Feb. 28, 2003, Department of Defense briefing

"We're beginning to think maybe he was right..."

2005-01-21T09:29:00.001-08:00

So last night ELB attended the Commander in Chief's Ball. He told me this morning that he had a great conversation and took his picture with Tommy Lasorda. He also spoke briefly with three of the Joint Chiefs (for the Army, Air Force, and Marines.)

So ELB asks one of them, "What's the Joint Chiefs' take on Gen. Shinseki now?"
General: "Well, there was a lot of grumbling early on...."
ELB: "I understand that Sir, but what about now?"
General: "We're beginning to think maybe he was right."

If the highest brass in military can admit this, why can't Rummie and the rest of the administration?

OUCH!

2005-01-20T15:31:00.000-08:00

My Evil Little Brother (ELB) and I have an ongoing contest for celebrity sightings. Of course there's a ranking system, a pretty complicated and somewhat subjective ranking system. Probably the lowest on the list is merely seeing someone in concert, but greater weight is granted if you make it to the front row or the artist has since deceased.
A little higher up are personal meetings after a show or at political rallies, etc. Pictures and autographs are also a plus. (And even though "personalized" autographs are worth less on the market, they're worth more for purposes of ranking, also, the more absurd the item autographed the better.)
The highest tier is a chance meeting in public, unplanned, like at an airport or a restaurant.

So last night I get a call from ELB, "Guess who I saw yesterday?"

Now I knew he and my mom, Mrs. Old Methodist, had just returned from the Presidential gala and there were a number of celebrities and politicians there, but none that would demand awe (Lee Greenwood, Gloria Estefan, the President...) But I did remember seeing on the CNN crawler that Kelsey Grammer was MC-ing the event, so I say "Frasier?"

"Yeah, but that's not who I'm thinking of." He says with some satisfaction.

"I don't know, who?"

"Television's Ricky Schroeder, Bitch."

That really hurt. Point for ELB.

He's not doing too bad. Just off the top of my head, I know he met Ben Stein at an airport recently. He's seen the Violent Femmes and They Might Be Giants multiple times each (compared to my zero.) He's seen the late Warren Zevon, while I never got the chance. He met Mark Slaughter back stage at a Kiss concert and had him autograph a box of shaving razors (ELB forgot to bring paper, so Mark Slaughter gave him the razors, the only thing in the room autographable.)
While we've both seen Hal Holbrook and Weird Al, ELB got their autographs and I didn't. Weird Al actually signed ELB's Library Card! About the only thing we're even on is Gallagher.

Although ELB went to a taping of The Late Show with David Letterman, I met Letterman at JFK airport, I forgot I had a tiny teddy bear in my shirt pocket that my girlfriend had given me, so Letterman signs an autograph for me reading, "[Rowdy], Good luck with your bear. David Letterman."

In terms of concerts, I've had first row seats at Melissa Etheridge, Bo Diddley, The Indigo Girls, Arlo Guthrie, Willie Nelson, and The Cure. I got autographs from Arlo, Amy Ray, and Willie (but Mrs. T got to kiss him while he just pinched my lovehandles.)

Other musicians I've met include Pat Simmons (of the Doobie Brothers,) Michelle Shocked, and Jello Biafra. Oh, the Christian rock singer Carman asked me to go buy him batteries for his cordless microphone once, which I did and he reimbursed me.

I've also met some great authors, including the late, great Quentin Crisp. But also Calvin Trillin, John Updike, and Molly Ivans.

Speaking of Molly, I've encountered a number of other left-leaning hell raisers, among them Cornel West, Bogdan Denitch, Granny D, James Cromwell, Jesse Jackson, Rebecca Walker, Jim Hightower, Michael Moore, and Ralph Nader.

In the political arenaI saw Vice President Al Gore jogging on the National Mall (with a flock of guys in sunglasses jogging with him (when he was in office,) also Sen. Sam Nunn and Ambassador to Saudi Arabia Wyche Fowler. Back in Japan I saw Emperor Akihito and his wife.

And to round it all out, I've run into Oliver North, Tommy Lee Jones, Kenneth Lay, Joe Piscopo, Tom Brokaw, and Greg Manwaring (who used to be my neighbor and draw me pictures.)

That's not an all inclusive list, but damn it all, I've yet to see Ricky Schroeder.

Mrs. T Strikes Back

2005-01-18T20:02:00.000-08:00

Mrs. T humiliated Rowdy in a crushing defeat this evening playing Garfield Monopoly. Rowdy is bound not to hear the end of this...at least until the next game.

Current Garfield Monopoly Stats: Rowdy 1, Mrs. T 1

Friendly Competition

2005-01-18T16:09:00.000-08:00

Sunday night Mrs. Theologian and I were at the store and found Garfield Monopoly. She's an avid Garfield fan and we frequently play Monopoly with each other, so naturally we bought it and played as soon as we got home. The outcome?....

A crushing defeat for Mrs. Theologian!
Current Garfield Monopoly Stats: Rowdy 1, Mrs. T 0

The next evening we broke out our Star Wars Monopoly on PC, where we each control two characters and compete against two computer run characters set at Medium Difficulty (to make a total of six players.) The results?....

A Draw!
Current Star Wars Monopoly Stats: Rowdy 1, Mrs. T 1

Adventures in Low-Flow

2005-01-13T12:13:00.000-08:00

The Cloister is scheduled to have its antiquated toilets replaced today with a newer low flow model. I'm not very happy about it, but there's little I can do. You end up flushing them more often and they're prone to clog. But the decision was made by the higher ups so I guess I'll just have to deal with it. I've coped with worse.
Like anyone else who has spent time in Japan, it's comfort enough knowing at least I don't have to use one of these anymore...

That's right, I'd take a low-flow over a squatter any day. Fortunately, I didn't have one of these in the J-Cloister (my residence in Japan.) I had a "western" toilet. Nonetheless, the use of squatters is inescapable for anyone spending a measurable amount of time on those happy islands.

Many of the public facilities used them, like train stations and restaurants, but some of my friends were stuck with them in their apartments. Unlucky sons of.... If you're not familiar with the squatter and you plan to visit Japan, I suggest you learn how to use one before you go.

Japan's lav situation is not all bad though. Some bars have urinals the size of industrial sinks. That's because they serve a dual purpose...your usual business, plus an easy target for someone who has overindulged on the sake and needs to hurl. Some of these can be quite unique...

Moreover, Japan also has the high-tech toilet seats that have sensors that automatically raise the lid when you walk in the bathroom, and have electrically warmed seats, and a million little buttons allowing you to squirt water on yourself at about any angle (and blow you dry when you're done.)

My favorite thing about these though is how water refilling the tank pours through a sink spout and into a hole in the lid. This allows you to wash your hands after flushing and that water then gets recycled immediately by filling the tank. Most grocery stores sell little decorations for the tank lid too that the water will pour over. My favorite were the penguins playing on ice blue rocks. Oh well, as for my current predicament, at least I don't have a squatter.

I suspect this is probably the only post I'll write relevant enough to the topic...so I'll go ahead and include this joke, Rowdy's Favorite Japanese Bathroom Humor:

A salary man walks into an izakaya and asks the owner, "O-toire wa?"

The proprietor looks at the man incredulously and responds, "O-benjo desu."

Rowdy's Finger Puppet Theater

2005-01-10T18:08:00.000-08:00

"Comrade Trotsky, I have discovered a weakness among the American public, that if properly exploited will surely lead to revolt and revolution!"

"Wonderful, Che. What is it?"

"Sad monkeys."

No Spider Monkey This Year

2005-01-10T17:31:00.000-08:00

I received my Christmas presents today from my Evil Little Brother. He shipped quite a bit, and even though I didn't get a spider monkey I'm quite content.
Apparently he got the same memo I did (that 2004 was the year for giving textiles.) I sent him a throw for his couch, and he sent me this to hang on the livingroom wall. It goes wonderfully with the Cloister's color scheme.

In addition to this, he contributed to the Reliquary. Hurray for siblings.

Been around the block

2005-01-09T21:45:00.000-08:00

I've seen a lot a lot of internet tricks, but this one is simply mind boggling:

Concentrate on a number between 1 and 20 and it will appear on your screen when you click here.

Happy the Man

2005-01-08T08:47:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I received my second to last Christmas present...the four disc set of B-Sides and rarities by The Cure called Join the Dots. It's been on my wish list all year, now I finally have it. Granted I already have about 75% of the tracks since I bought their singles for years and compilation records they may have contributed to. But even if I had all the music, it's still worth getting for the 40 page booklet it comes with.
Now there's only one more present outstanding...my evil little brother was late getting his stuff in the mail, but he says I should receive it by Monday. My guess is he bought me a spider monkey (the only thing left on my wish list I haven't received yet.)

Christmas in Dixie

2005-01-03T23:06:00.000-08:00

Here are some shots from my Christmas vacation:

Saint Augustine, Florida

Castillo de San Marcos, Saint Augustine, Florida

Six Pence Pub in Savannah, Georgia (featured in the movie Something to Talk About.)

Mercer House, Savannah, Georgia (featured in the movie Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil.)

Charleston, South Carolina

Beauvoir, home of Jefferson Davis. Biloxi, Mississippi.

Christmas Challenge

2004-12-20T21:17:00.000-08:00

It’s Christmas time, and that means meeting the challenge of getting my evil little brother something more surprising than his gift from the previous year. This year was difficult because last year’s gift was near perfect. I’d like to know your thoughts…

Here’s what he’s getting this year.

Here’s what he got last year.

So I ask…Did I meet the challenge?

Vacation!

2004-12-19T07:14:00.000-08:00

I'm on Sabbatical until March.
It's Christmas, which means new acquisitions for the Reliquary, check them out.

What a wonderful quiz!

2004-12-05T23:13:00.000-08:00

You're FUNBURGER! Smart and unpredictable, you're
the most highly regarded of the Burger Chef
logos! People admire your spontaneity and feel
uplifted in your presence.

What classic Burger Chef logo are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

New Acquisitions

2004-12-04T17:17:00.000-08:00

Check out the latest acquisitions at The Reliquary.

Grrrrrrrrr...

2004-12-01T21:17:00.000-08:00

I'm beginning to think I did something terribly rotten in a previous life. I'm not at liberty to give details...but the cirmumstances at work this week equal one curve ball after another. It must improve...Inshallah.

Net-Flix A-Gone-Gone

2004-11-25T23:14:00.000-08:00

You may have noticed I quit posting my list of movies rented each month. I cancelled my subscription after getting my new job. However, I occassionally still run to the store and grab a DVD on weekends.

I just finished watching a movie I've been meaning to see for 5 years. I was reminded of it this afternoon while writing about ABC's World News Now (see previous post.)

Back in 1999, Juju & Anderson had a frequent guest on the show, ABC's legal analyst Jeffrey Toobin. That year I read his book, A Vast Conspiracy. The book is a 400+ page narrative of the Clinton/Lewinsky saga with colorful chapter titles like, "Draw the Penis for Me," and "Mr. Genitalia and the Perjury Ladies." Anyway, in it Toobin mentions that Paula Jone's husband, Steve Jones was a struggling actor, most noted for his role as the Ghost of Elvis in the film Mystery Train.

Shortly after reading the book, I ordered a VHS copy of the movie from Amazon.com and had it sent to my parents home (Since I was moving shortly it would be less to pack.) So a couple of months later I get home, pop in the movie, and nothing. It was blank...just static. I didn't bother trying to return it since it had been a few months since I ordered it. Time passed and I never bothered to track down another copy. Until tonight.

Was it worth the wait?

Rowdy's Rather Replacements

2004-11-25T13:02:00.000-08:00

Dan Rather set to retire in March

Who will replace him? I have an answer:

For a brief time in 1999 a legendary co-anchorship existed on ABC's late night news broadcast World News Now. The show aired at 2am, so most Americans slept straight through this magical moment in journalism history. With the departure of Dan Rather, it's time to reunite the dream team!

Juju Chang & Anderson Cooper!

Every night was filled with antics...here are just a couple:

"Across the U.S. rationing measures have been imposed due to a
shortage of those
over-the-shoulder boxes used on TV news," Cooper said
straight-faced. "The
shoulder boxes are typically used as a graphic reminder
of whatever story is
being read by the news anchor at the time. Network and
local news shows
typically use as many as a dozen per half-hour. The
shortage is being blamed on
24-hour news channels, possibly MSNBC...
"Thankfully, camera turns remain
plentiful," Cooper said as he made an
exaggerated turn from one camera to
another. Anchor Juju Chang could be
heard laughing in the background.
and...
Barkes, a computer systems consultant in database publishing, sent a videotape of himself offering commentary to "World News Now" for the show's viewer feedback segment. Not only did they play the tape, but they invited him on the show when producers learned he was in New York on business. Chang even asked him to read the weather off a TelePrompTer.
Here's a testimonial:
[I]'ve never been more entertained, on a regular basis, watching a newscast than
back in the day (must have been, what, 5 or 6 years ago now? more?) when
Anderson Cooper and Juju Chang anchored World News Now in the
super-early morning.
Since their respective departures, ABC has made
pathetic attempts to interject the same energy into this newscast, and has
failed.... -- TBall, July 3, 2004

You must be asking yourself what you can do to help. Simply follow this link and tell the good folks at CBS to hire Juju and Anderson!
For more complete coverage on the life and times of Juju & Anderson read this article.

Calling all A.J.I.S. Field Agents!

2004-11-21T17:07:00.000-08:00

Perhaps you saw the Crime Investigator themed advertising campaign earlier this year for Apple Jacks™. The commercials starred three young teens who set out to solve a crime. They recruited thousands of Apple Jacks™ consuming kids across the nation to help them.

The A.J.I.S. – the Apple Jacks™ Investigative Squad

Here's how they explained the crime to the kids:

On the night of December 8, 2003, at exactly 9:04 p.m. someone, somehow, entered the Apple Jacks™ production process and changed the shape of our cereal.
Kids across the nation are up in arms. “What’s the big deal?” you ask. Apple Jacks™ aren’t supposed to look like jack shapes. (Just like they aren’t supposed to taste like apples.) A crime has been committed, and the A.J.I.S. won’t stand for it. Ever since Apple Jacks™ were invented, certain people have wanted them to make sense and look like jack shapes. Today, cereal-making technology has advanced to the point where jack-shaped Apple Jacks™ are possible and certain people are demanding a change. But those people just don’t get it. Kids don’t want their Apple Jacks™ to look like jack shapes. They want them to stay the shape they’ve always been.
The A.J.I.S. is made up of a trio of bright young people who can resolve any situation that damages the integrity of Apple Jacks® Cereal. With the help of thousands of field agents across the country, they can find out who changed our ’JACKS and rectify the situation as swiftly as possible. The A.J.I.S. is our best hope for getting our cereal back.

Jack-shaped Apple Jacks™

This summer the crime was solved. Ms. Habeas, a lawyer, did it. Kellogg's then released the following message to the kids:

With your help, the A.J.I.S. found the fiend responsible for putting the jack shapes in our cereal, and returned Apple Jacks® to the way they were always meant to be. Once again, they don’t taste like apples and they don’t look like jacks.

Fine. But that mystery was fiction.

Now that our nation's children are experienced cereal crime investigators, I'm calling on them to solve a real Apple Jacks™ mystery.

Exhibit 1:

This is a picture of Apple Jacks™ taken in 1977. Notice that it is fortified with 8 Essential Vitamins and 2 Minerals.

Exhibit 2:

This is a picture of Apple Jacks™ taken in 1980. It is now fortified with 10 Essential Vitamins and Minerals.

In the late 1970s an underground movement was afoot to create equality between vitamins and minerals. In 1977, vitamins were deemed essential while minerals were not. By 1980, Apple Jacks™ had succumbed to the movement's wishes.

“What’s the big deal?” you ask. Apple Jacks™ aren’t supposed to appear healthy. (Just like they aren’t supposed to taste like apples.) A crime has been committed, and the A.J.I.S. won’t stand for it. Ever since Apple Jacks™ were invented, certain people have wanted them to be a part of a complete nutritious breakfast. But those people just don’t get it. Kids don’t want every ingredient in their Apple Jacks™ to be essential. They want them to stay as unnecessary as they’ve always been.

Your task is clear. Rectify the situation and bring those responsible to justice.

Denver Jackson Reviews Kazin in 1999!

2004-11-18T20:38:00.000-08:00

Alfred Kazin

Here is a link to a book review written by our Denver Jackson in 1999!

Don't waste your time trying to email him at the given address though, it no longer functions....that would be too easy.

More on Denver Jackson

2004-11-18T14:02:00.000-08:00

Denver Jackson baiting a catfish line with the Professor

Okay, first to answer J Go's question: This is Calvin Trillin. But that's all I'm saying about him, because I'm sure if you want to speak with Calvin he's just a call to an agent away. The pressing question at the moment is "Denver Jackson." That's right, no question mark necessary. His name alone is an enigma. The photo above is the only other picture I have of Denver Jackson. (If some Guy really does have a shot of Denver with my evil brother I would love a copy.)

Here is an abbreviated update I've pulled from J Go's site:

Who was Denver Jackson? Nobody seems to know. Let me try to lay out the facts:
- It is pretty clear that he actually did exist (see Rowdy Theologian's photo). Unless he was the product of a mass hallucination because my friends Guy S., Arquette, and others actually did meet him.
- I had a class with him, and he was there for at least the first half of the quarter.
Beyond that the facts are murky.
- He may have been a drop out of a Catholic Seminary (one week from his final vows).
- He may have been the nephew of the Pop Artist Roy Lichtenstein (whom he called Uncle Lichy).
- He may have had a regular summer job breaking horses.
- He may have been from Bryan, Ohio.
- He may have been engaged to be married around 1994 or so.
- He may have been a friend of former Ohio Governor Dick Celeste.

The above claims were heard directly by me from Denver Jackson himself. The last confirmed contact was with the Rowdy Theologian, who had agreed to meet him in front of the Pantheon in Rome , where he never showed up and has never been seen again.

And a comment from some Guy:

I know a few other things about Denver Jackson (although when discussing Denver, the word "know" is a bit strong):

1) He may have almost been on the TV show "Jeopardy"
2) He may or may not have had months to live in 1995
3) He agreed, at least verbally, to be my house-mate for the 1995-1996 school year. We discussed it in the spring, but I never heard from him again. I ended up sharing a house with The Rowdy Theologian, which was certainly enlightening. I think Denver is on a quest to find out what is written on I.M.Pei's tombstone.

If anyone has any knowledge of the whereabouts of Denver Jackson, or any knowledge about Denver Jackson at all for that matter, please let us know.

Denver Jackson

2004-11-14T11:23:00.000-08:00

Denver Jackson & Calvin Trillin
from Rowdy's Private Collection

Okay, John, you asked for it (see comment in the previous post.) A discussion about Denver Jackson:
The picture above hangs in my office at the Cloister. It's hung on my wall for years in an attempt to convince myself that Denver Jackson truly existed. A scholar of the Classics, a devout Catholic theologian, Denver was known to spontaneously break into song, most notably a festive rendition of Groucho Marx's Lydia the Tattooed Lady. Seldom seen without his trusty pipe, Denver was a master fisherman and drinker of strong coffee.
Elusive at best...Denver was known to disappear for months on end, leaving one to question whether he was but a figment of the imagination. The last time I talked to him we agreed to meet in front of the Pantheon in Rome for cappuccino. He never showed nor has been seen or heard from since.

Rowdy's Childhood Memories

2004-11-12T09:13:00.000-08:00

I remember watching That's Incredible! when I was in kindergarten. The only problem was I never found that much terribly incredible. For example, I remember a story on one show where a girl received money on her birthday from a relative. On one of the bills was written "Happy Birthday, Karen! Love, Uncle Joe." (Or something similar.) Anyway, years later she withdrew the money from her account and one of the bills she received had the birthday message written on it. I remember thinking as a 5 year old, "What's so incredible about that? She put the money in the bank, and she took it out. Big deal."

I also remember watching The People's Court a couple of years later. I never understood why the people would argue...at age 7 I had the solution that would make the show obsolete...rather than argue, if you're wrong just apologize.

Leadership

2004-11-08T11:29:00.000-08:00

This morning I woke up and found the Democrats' Rising Star, Barack Obama giving an interview on TV. He told Democrats that the key to success is to compromise with Republicans. He was about as inspiring as Tom Daschle on Vicodin.

Message to Sen. Elect Obama: Fight or Resign!

O Retsina!

2004-11-06T08:53:00.000-08:00

Why must you taste so good?

A Word to Kerry Supporters

2004-11-06T08:25:00.000-08:00

Dear Michael Moore, Cornel West, Howard Dean, Dennis Kucinich, and all ye other "progressive" supporters of John Kerry,

This year you encouraged people to vote for a Pro-War, Pro-NAFTA, Pro-Drug War, Anti-Gay Marriage presidential candidate; you voted your fears and not your hopes...and that's exactly what you got.

CONGRATULATIONS!

Costume Question

2004-10-31T06:34:00.000-08:00

Happy Halloween! I have a costume question, if you know the answer please leave a comment. Mrs. Theologian is an avid beader. You can see her work here. She resents people calling it "costume jewelry." Neither of us believe it is.
She uses real semi-precious stones and sterling silver; no plastic, no aluminum; nothing that would turn your skin green. I always thought costume jewelry was phony stuff, stones and chains trying to look like something they're not- hence "costume." I understand that smoky quartz and silver are no match against diamonds and 24 karat gold, but still....
So now my question, Is it costume jewelry or not?

Hurray for Early Voters

2004-10-30T21:58:00.000-07:00

I went to vote yesterday and it did me proud to wait in line for 45 minutes. This was the first election in recent memory that I actually had to wait. Kudos to Texas for having early voting, here you can vote any day two weeks prior to the election, according to the Bexar County Clerk, over 250,000 votes have already been cast in San Antonio.
Nonetheless I had a couple of concerns. Nearly half of the candidates on my ballot were running uncontested. I voted for none of them, no matter their party affiliation, because elections are supposed to be choices.
My second concern dealt with the write-in system on the e-ballot. There were several certified write-ins and you were supposed to type in the names of president and vice president like this, "Natalie Merchant/Michael Stipe". The problem was there was no "/" on the touchscreen keyboard.
Anyway, I think I voted. At least I got a sticker that says I did.

Change of Scene

2004-10-29T16:23:00.000-07:00

This week work took me to two small Texas towns, Hebbronville and Falfurrias. No exciting stories, other than a buzzard smacking into my car on the drive down there. No damage to the car...can't say as much for the bird though. On a brighter note, I dodged two turtles and an armadillo.
So now I'm back at the Cloister designing big plans for the weekend.

Well Rested?

2004-10-24T23:08:00.000-07:00

It's Monday already? Where did the weekend go?

P.S. Go Sox!

Virtual Debate

2004-10-24T19:10:00.000-07:00

Click here to watch Nader debate Kerry and Bush.

Go Vote

2004-10-23T17:09:00.000-07:00

Austin, TX: Ralph & Rowdy Saving Democracy

Polls are open in Texas, go vote. Remember, be pragmatic. The electoral votes are going toward Bush, so you might as well vote for the guy that stood against the war from the start and help him get air time on mainstream media so others can hear his message:

Kerry Receives 100 Times More in Contributions from GOP Donors than Nader

WHAT YOU WON'T HEAR: 12 topics Democrats will duck at convention

Nader Challenges Michael Moore to a Debate

Issues: Ralph Nader Stands with the People

Back Again, Not Really

2004-10-17T08:22:00.000-07:00

Look I'm blogging! It's difficult to keep up with this with my new job, I don't have internet access when I'm in Zapata. But that's alright, because what Zapata lacks in IT, it compensates with Cheese Chicken Fried Steak.
I'm a lifelong lover of Chicken Fried Steak and never thought it could be improved upon. I was wrong. Throw a melted slab of cheese on top and it's better. Maybe this week I'll have them add bacon too. Mmmm...eating like this I'll be dead by the time I'm 30.
Anyway, my new calling has me out of the Cloister much of the week. It's good work...it requires wearing blue jeans, driving a 4-wheel drive Ford F-250, and of course grit in your teeth. I'm about a month into this work and I'm totally digging it.
See ya'll next week.....

Damn It, Janet!

2004-10-04T06:10:00.000-07:00

Janet Leigh dead at 77.

The Rest of the Story...

2004-10-03T19:37:00.000-07:00

It's sad how poor the press coverage was for the march yesterday from Arlington National Cemetery to the White House. Among the participants were the grandson of Gandhi, Lila Lipscomb (the mother who lost her son featured in Fahrenheit 9/11), and Nick Berg's father. Ultimately, 28 people (out of some 300) were arrested for, as most reports put it, "Charging over a barrier protecting the White House."
That's not quite how it went down. Not mentioned was how friendly the police were. According to a friend of mine who witnessed everything, the police told the protesters, "Once you climb the fence, we'll have you sit on the ground, we'll warn you three times to return, then you'll be arrested." Some of the protesters actually had problems getting over the fence and the police helped them so they wouldn't get hurt. The whole charging episode was benign and pretty well orchestrated.
Among the arrested was Nick Berg's dad.

Three Questions

2004-10-01T23:49:00.000-07:00

Here are the three most frequently asked questions I've received in the last 24 hours. 1) "Where have you been?" 2) "When did you get back?" and 3) "I don't think chunky Asian chicks should be wandering around in tight jeans and cowboy boots, do you?"

For my answers, click the corresponding link:
1) I've been in...
2) I returned on...
3) Chunky Asian chicks...I checked, but there's not a single web page in cyberspace that'll come close to answering this question that's not pornographic.

"B" is for Bus...

2004-09-23T09:20:00.000-07:00

and "B-List."
According to reports Una Nueva Esperanza is winding its way through Texas today. That's right all you Texans, come out and support the Democrats, they've sent.....a bus! No Kerry, no Edwards...they're busy in states that matter.
How is it that progressives in Texas, of all places, are expected to vote for John Kerry? A guy who voted to give Bush free license to invade Iraq...
I, for one, signed the peace pledge that Michael Moore had posted on his site before that vote, giving everyone in Congress, including Kerry and Edwards, fair warning, "YOU ARE EITHER WITH US OR YOU ARE FIRED! I pledge to never vote again for any Democratic candidate for public office who has voted in favor of George Bush's war in Iraq." Moore might break his own pledge, but Rowdy won't.
Conservatives win because of their stubborn resolve. When will progressives learn to stand for their values unflinchingly?
Bad, bad Michael Moore, no Twinkie.

It's Finished

2004-09-22T20:51:00.000-07:00

The Reliquary is now housing all of the Cloister's precious artifacts. It took a few days, but what's the point of keeping this stuff if you can't share it with others?

Cat Stevens Deported

2004-09-22T19:34:00.000-07:00

Cat Stevens: Deported from the United States after appearing on a government watch list.
What the fuck? Over.

Who would make a better pope?
	Denver Jackson
	The Monkey
	Calvin Trillin

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